Companions and "Bosom Friends"

Companions:

  com·pan·ion

  noun       

• A person with whom one spends a lot of time or with whom one travels.
• A person who shares the experiences of another, esp. when these are unpleasant or unwelcome.
• One of a pair of things intended to complement or match each other.

When I look back on the friends I have had—particularly through the more developmental years of my life— it is apparent that God blessed me greatly through the people He put in my life. Those friends have left imprints on my mind and heart. Above all in high school I noticed that my friends were exceptional examples. They inspired me to be a better person (often times without knowing they were doing so). They did their best to help me along through hard times and I am forever grateful for them. To me; they exemplified and fulfilled the scripture found in Doctrine and Covenants 121:

“Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.” (D&C 121:9)

They made themselves available to me and were willing to help. Because I now understand what that means, I often times shake my head at the foolish, but prideful boy that I was. While I let them “stand by” me, I never allowed myself to feel the “warm hearts and friendly hands”. Something inside me wouldn’t permit them to come “in”. I didn’t let people, even those who were closest to me, experience who I really was.

Until my time as a missionary for the LDS church, I had very little understanding of what a companion was. To the best of my recollection the only time I remember hearing the word was in the context of LDS Mormon missionaries. Now, as I had mentioned above, to that point in my life I had been a fairly independent person. I believe I was afraid of letting people close and so I had the appearance of being a strong, independent person and I had taken pride in that. Alright; I at least I thought I looked strong and independent.  I know now that some people managed to see right through the façade. They knew me better than I knew myself, because I had even fooled yours truly into believing I didn’t need anyone’s help or support to achieve what I wanted in life. How wrong I was.

I believe we have all heard the horror stories of crazy, weird, lazy and or disobedient mission companions. Those terrified me before the mission and frustrated me during it. In spite of some traumatic and almost explosive experiences; I became a much more wholesome person. I was required to let go of some control and be dependent on others.  While this wasn’t easy to relinquish my absolute control of what happened, I began to enjoy it. I began to trust people to help me. As I saw that they would do so willingly, I began to trust people with more than favors, but to share aspects of my life; fears, insecurities, and weaknesses with some of these people. They became more open and honest with me, and as I learned of their fears or weaknesses, my love for them increased as did my desire to lift and strengthen them.

As I allowed myself to open my eyes to deeper relationships, I began to find numerous instances of similar relationships in the scriptures. Alma and Amulek; one of the greatest missionary companionships of all time was a perfect example of this.  While they did preach the gospel and lifted the people, they lifted each other:

And it came to pass that Alma and Amulek, Amulek having forsaken all his gold, and silver, and his precious things . . .  he being rejected by those who were once his friends and also by his father and his kindred. . . Alma having seen all these things, therefore he took Amulek . . . . to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations, and strengthened him in the Lord.- Alma15: 16,18

I had learned how to trust, support and love my companions and I had learned how to receive the same. Learning to do so had become one of the greatest blessings of my mission. There was one problem though; I didn’t see how these new experiences of companionship could function after the mission. As I mentioned before, I never heard people talk about companions before with the exception of the LDS mission context. I thought my return home would be the end of those relationships.

Still, the idea of a “best friend” was familiar to me. That idea was engraved upon my mind at an early age with the help of a very vivacious and expressive Anne Shirley. The Anne of Green Gables movies were almost a yearly tradition at our home. It would usually be a Sunday evening once a year where they would play the movies on a local channel. Our family would gather and watch them together (especially because it was about the only thing we were permitted to watch on a Sunday).

Anne Shirley, wandering and "taking it all in" as she would say.

In the story, Anne Shirley yearned for one thing more than any other—even more than changing the color of her carrot-red hair—she wanted “bosom friend” as she so affectingly terms it. While not the terminology I would use on a daily basis, I understood what she wanted: A person to be there always, to stick around even when she was crazy, dramatic, and stubborn. She wanted a friend who was loyal and faithful even when she accidentally served current wine instead or raspberry cordial.  While the whole story is fun and intriguing, one of the most beautiful aspects of this story is that early on in the story she finds what she was looking for. We get to see her friendship with the “kindred spirit” Diana Berry grow stronger through years of experience and memories.

But in my young mind though, it was just a story—almost a fairytale. While it looked pleasant it just didn’t seem to fit in the grand scheme of things. People couldn’t really become “bosom friends” or “kindred spirits”. There was not sufficient time as there were already a million things that scream for our attention. People had responsibilities to work and family and there wasn’t a place reserved on our Google calendars for bosom friends.

However, I have learned an important truth: what is important to us, we make time for. It was up to me. But the question now is do I want this? Do I need this? Is it selfish of me to want it?

In all honesty, there have been times when I have felt that friendships are something that are to be “sacrificed” upon having a family. I feel that this is important though to recognize the distinction between doctrine and culture. In my experience, LDS culture at times overlooks the importance of a good friend in its strong push and emphasis on family, while doctrine recognizes not only the temporal, but eternal worth and importance of both.

President Monson and President Uchtdorf: True examples of companionship.

In a General Conference a few years ago President Uchtdorf spoke of the four essentials that we should all work towards strengthening. Those are:
·         Relationship with God
·         Relationship with Family
·         Relationships with Fellowman (I feel strongly that friends are among this group)
·         Relationships with Self

These; all of them, are the essentials of this life (of course within the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Relationships we have created during this life is among very few things we get to take with us to the next.

And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.            (D&C 130:2)

While I have mentioned some ways in which friends are a blessing, there is one aspect in which I feel reaches deeper than the others. I will just preface the last part with this: It has been said that “me too” are the most comforting words in any language (it has been attributed to LDS leaders as well as other great thinkers, so I won’t attempt an exact quotation).

Coming to the conclusion that you are different from others is not easy. I want to differentiate this from the idea that one should just “be yourself” as the all too common cliché would tell us. But to know that beyond your hobbies, interest and personality or whatever superficial or knee deep characteristics or flaws you show others; you are different is difficult to handle. To know that at your core—your very essence— you are not like others can be a very hard truth to accept.

Upon realizing their deep feelings of distinction, many isolate themselves behind two stories: No one will accept or love me and the other; no one can understand me. Both of these fears go deep and can poison mind and heart to light and hope. I feel that for this, more than for any other reason, God has blessed us with friends. Close friends; companions.

I will explain myself briefly. When we allow ourselves to open up to “be vulnerable” as I have talked about in previous posts, our relationships become more real and fulfilling. We get closer to people and continue to grow in love and understanding as we come to know who the other really is. Often times, it is as we open ourselves up to these moments and relationships of vulnerability we hear, as I mentioned before, the most comforting words anyone could hear: me too. Me too; so simple, but so powerful. Bonds grow stronger, trust runs deeper, and relationships are solidified; sometimes eternally.  I feel that this depth, security and peace in relationships can only come when those relationships are sanctioned by God. He knows us and knows what we need and who can help us get those needs me. Those are close friends. Those are companions.

In understanding this, I believe I gained a greater insight to the important role John had in the eyes of our Savior. Many things are unclear as to Christ and His personal relationships on earth as it was not the purpose of scripture. The scriptures were written to help us understand the Doctrine and Gospel of Christ that would allow us to return to live with God and His Son. So this I say for myself and what I believe. While I have heard mention of some of these points by general authorities and professors, none of it have a heard stated as doctrine. But, I take it as a personal truth.

Christ came to this earth alone. He descended here and took up a mortal body that he might one day atone for our sins and afflictions. While we know He entered the earth passing through the veil as we all do. In spite of His divine parentage, he was to hang up the divinity within Him for a time; at times referred to by scholars as “latent divinity” or the suppressed glory that was not only in His spirit but expressed in his DNA. But we all know that in spite of these He grew in wisdom and stature.

I believe with all my heart that it was out of God’s love for His son that He sent John to be Christ’s support. I of course understand that it was necessary that a man sent by God come to prepare the way for the Redeemer of the world, but John was more than that to Christ. He was a distant relative and a forerunner, but their relationship I believe was even more intimate. I feel the Gospel of John gives us a slight insight to what John really was to the Savior. There he is referred to as “The friend of the Bridegroom” (John 3:29).

Many have wondered as to when Christ understood His role as Savior of the world. However, while the moment he realized His role completely could be debated; it is obvious that He knew He had a higher calling. He understood that He was different. Fortunately, someone else did too.

John; a literal friend from the womb (a true bosom friend?),  distant relative and the chosen “preparer of the way” was one who could understand, at least in small degree, the role Jesus of Nazareth had in the grand scheme of things. Both were receiving inspiration and direction from on High and both were aware of their respective roles. In this, I am sure Christ found a measure of peace and comfort; someone in whom he could trust and confide. A faithful friend; a companion.

Reflections of Christ: "Joy" by Mark Mabry

I believe this relationship was a sure foundation for the Lord. This close relationship explains too why upon hearing of the death of His close friend, Christ felt the need to “apart himself” to the wilderness for a time. It would have hurt to lose such a friend, particularly when He had at least a semblance of an understanding of what was to come. But I’m sure; their relationship was deepened because of what they went through; together and individually. I can only image the reunion of those two in the Courts of our Father in Heaven.  

Some people who saw this before I posted it asked why? Why did I choose to write about companions? Why did I feel I could make some assumptions about other relationships as well?

Let me tell you. Because I am grateful for those who have been “companions” in my life. I am grateful to God for allowing me to experience such relationships. As I have allowed myself to have them, I have found greater connection and depth in my relationships with God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost. Through cultivating relationships with companions I have strengthened my companionships with Deity. Companionship and true friends has led me to feel with greater intensity the love and connection that I know exist in the Celestial World. Developing this new trust and dependency on others changed the way I think, is changing the way I act, and is beginning to change the way I live life. Why? Because these relationships bring heaven to earth.